Harvey Milk Day-A Tribute

Just this week it came to light that a certain N.C pastor made the (cue sarcasm) oh-so-kind comment that lesbians and "queers" should be rounded up, placed in camps with electrified fencing, and left to die. His reasoning was that then they couldn't reproduce and make more gays. *scratches head* While I could make a long list about how idiotic that comment is, I won't. I've decided to focus on the good in the world, instead of the bad.

Today is Harvey Milk Day. I'm sure most of you already know what a great hero this man was. He bravely paved the way for the future generations of LGBTQQ individuals. While the vile comments made by that NC pastor shows that we still have a long way to go, I like to think that we are so much closer to the day when everybody will be equal. So, watch this video and I hope it inspires you as it did me. Remember, for every hater out there, there is are is somebody who loves you unconditionally and we will never give up the fight.

Justice for Nino

A recent picture of New Town which is now called Boy's Town

I realize that I’ve posted this a bit late. I’ll explain the reason later, as the story I’m about to tell you unfolds. I will warn you, it will break your heart and make you pissed as hell.

I think it’s pretty easy to assume that the biggest fear of those who have a family member who is LGBTQQ  is that they will be assaulted. While we’re come a long way as far as gay rights are concerned, there is still a lot of work to be done. Plus, the world is full of assholes, who seem to thrive on repressing equal rights. I know that may sound a bit harsh, but that’s how angry I am at the moment.

For years now I’ve been going to the same hair stylist, a wonderful lady named Shannon. Not only is she cheap, but she can work miracles with my hair. (and Jackie’s too, when lil sis gets it into her head to use a groupon at another salon)  Best of all she is just as big of a smartass as I am. So, you can all probably guess that I will never trade her in.

We were talking about the gay rights issue one day and she shared the story about what happened to her uncle, Lewis ‘Nino’ Heacox Jr.  He was a son, a brother, an uncle, a friend, a business owner and he was gay.

He owned a bar in Chicago. It was called Anarchy’s and was located in New Town. We now know the area as Boy’s Town.  While it was 1980 and not easy to be out and gay, Nino was brave. In fact, I think he’s one of the ones who helped pave the path for kids like Cody.

On August 6^th, 1980, Nino was viciously attacked in his bar and left for dead. I won’t go into details of what they did to him, but suffice to say it was barbaric, horrifying and made me cry. How one human being can do that to another amazes me and makes me wonder about society as a whole.

Chicago PD declared Nino DOA and he was transported to the morgue. Several hours later when they went to perform the autopsy, they discovered that Nino was still alive. Now just take a moment to think that over…first he was tortured, then he was shoved into a freezer, because some person didn’t know how to properly look for signs of life.

Nino was in a coma and put on life support. Two weeks later, his family made the heart wrenching decision to take him off the machines, so he could die in peace. So, the hospital took him off life support, but Nino wasn’t done fighting left because he began to breathe on his own.

I wish I could say that he woke up, named his attacker and all was well, but that wasn’t the case. Nino remained in a vegetative state until he finally passed on June 21^st, 1985. His family never got to hear his voice again, feel his arms around them as he gave them a hug or got to be on the receiving end of all the practical jokes he loved to play on other.

Now, you’re probably asking, “What about the police investigation?” Remember though, this was 1980 and Nino was gay. Not only was there never any real investigation, but when Nino’s bar was looted, there was no action taken for that, either.

Most of these details come from Nino’s sister. We chatted on the phone today and let me tell you, the woman is amazing.  She always stood by her brother and loved unconditionally. Even as we talked, all these years later, the pain and betrayal was so strong in her voice that it brought tears to my eyes.

The reason why it took me so long to write this was I tried to do an internet search to find out information on this case. I was unable to dig up a single thing. Even though this is one of the most gruesome crimes I’ve ever heard about, it still does not have any press. Plus, we must all remember that it’s now technically a homicide case, since Nino did eventually succumb to his injuries.

You’re probably wondering why I chose to discuss this during the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia. I can easily answer that with Nino deserves justice. His family deserves closure. We as a society need to scream out that this kind of crime won’t be tolerated, be the person LGBTQQ, straight, white, black, male or female. I hope that sharing this story will do two things. One that it may generate some tips that may finally solve this case. Two so we can hopefully learn from past tragedies and never allow them to happen again.

In closing, I want to share a story that Nino’s sister told me.  One day when Nino was eleven and she was ten, they were laying on the grass, looking up at the stars. Nino turned to his sister and said, “I’m never going to live to see my 30^th birthday. I don’t know how I sure of this, but I just have a feeling.”  The attack happened a few days before his…you guess it, 30^th birthday.

What can be funnier than watching an old bigot spell out the word penis?

The misinformation in this gal's speech is so off that it's comical. Among her facts, "Judas was a homo." But, the really, really, really funny part of this video is the guy who is sitting behind her. His reactions are priceless. I have to go take some antibiotics now, since I only have a half hour. Once you watch this video you will understand why and just what I've been up to :P

A WTF Review!

I know. I know. We all never thought we'd see the day where I took on a reviewer. I promise that this isn't what you think, though. What has me madder than a tea bagger being forced to pay taxes is a music review. One that was at Entertainment Weekly, no less.


You're probably wonder why I would let a review that's not even directed at me upset me so much. You would have a point, too. I rarely let things like this upset me. That is unless the reviewer in question crosses some very big lines. Maybe the reviewer was tying to be funny, but it came off as a big failure and has left a bad taste in my mouth.


The review in question was for Adam Lambert's upcoming review, Trespassing. While the reviewer makes no effort to hide that it wasn't her favorite collection of music, she hardly touches on the topic of the album in question. Instead she makes several comments that could be deemed homophobic. Even the caption under the picture of Adam Lambert if offensive. FABULOUS 'IDOL' Lambert's latest rings in larger-than-life anthems that end up feeling exaggerated. Fabulous???? Are we really going there, EW?


I don't know what ticks me off more, that a blogger would actually makes statements like this, or the editors at 
the magazine. Did any other them take the time to step back and say, "Maybe this isn't a good idea." I know that this may not seem like a big deal, but it is. By letting these kind of comments to go by unchecked we send out the message that it's okay to hate and pigeonhole people into stereotypes.

Being the PFLAG mom that I am, I fired off a letter to EW. Not that I expect to hear back from them,but I had to know that at least I took a stance. 

Adam performs Outlaws of Love from his upcoming album Trespassing.

Being Killed For Looking Gay

It's time--time that we all stood up and declared that this kind of discrimination must end. Love is a gift no matter what package it comes in. Watch this video and listen to Brandon's pleas. He is amazing and has a lot to say.

I Want To Know!!!

Students and teachers pay homage to Second Class Citizen's Video "I Want To Know." Kids, you did an amazing job and you are not alone. Most of all you're right--It's time!

One More Thing

I know I already blogged today, but I came across this video and I knew I had to share it. The message behind it is so simple, yet there are so many people who fail to realize it--Love is Love.

To All The Haters Out There-This Message Is For You!

This is important. Watch it!

Just What I Needed!

I have had a rough, rough day. So this video could not have come at a better time.

My Son Is Not A Second Class Citizen! -Part 4

Another great, amazing, awesome, inspiring video from Ryan James Yezak--I Want To Know What It's Like!

So sweet it will make you cry

Friend--Indie GoGo shows us how important gay equality is in the sweetest way, with a wedding dance. I dare you not to cry.

Because I Thought We Could All Use A Happy Moment

With all the nastiness that has gone on this past week, I thought that maybe it wold be nice to see that true love does conquer all.

"Uncomfortable" = Discrimination

I am sure many of you have heard the huge debate going on over The Romance Writers Ink  chapter not accepting "same-sexed pairings" in their contest this year. You may have also heard that RWA National is backing them up on their decision, since chapters are "allowed to set their own rules when it comes to contest". Well, I have one thing to say to that argument...WRONG!

I am not just upset because I am a writer in this genre. Nor am I upset because yet again my genre is being looked down on by other members of an organization I have belonged to for over five years. However as a mother of a gay son, I am livid. 

Every, single day I have to read comments on the internet that are directing hate toward my son. I see so-called churches carrying vile signs that call my son terrible names and tell him he's going to hell. I see comics spouting hate and then just shrugging it off when people point out how wrong they are. Hell, I have to face mean statements from some of my own family members. Let me tell you, it hurts like hell, too, because that's my baby their talking about.  

While I have come to expect ignorance from some people, I would have thought that writers would be the least likely to discriminate. As writers we are supposed to know just how powerful words can be and I can't understand why they would chose to use this kind of weapon against the LGBTQA community. 

I sent the contest coordinator a message and I got back a response that some members felt "uncomfortable" with reading such books. To that I have a big WTF? Would they say the same thing about IR couples? Or how about books set in certain countries? We all know that they would never do that and if so, then RWA would be quick to slap them down. So, why doesn't RWA, an organization that I pay full dues to, do the same thing when it's my child being discriminated against?

To Jackie Kramer, all the members of Romance Writers Ink, and Romance Writers of America please, please, please take the time to watch this. Then you will understand why it's wrong to exclude LGBTQ books for any reason. This is more than agenre. These are real, living people and it hurts to know that an organization I  have dedicated so much time and money to can turn a blind eye to such blatant discrimination.

My Son Is Not A Second Class Citizen! -Part 3

Here's another one of Ryan James Yezak's moving videos. The message is simple, yet moving; It's Time To Think Different.

Outserve BAF-It Gets Better

Some members from the US Military give a shout out from Afghanistan. Their message...It Gets Better!!!!!

My Son Is Not A Second Class Citizen! -Part 2

I have nothing to say for this video speaks for itself.

My Son Is Not A Second Class Citizen!

THIS! This is why I keep fighting and why I vow to never stop. ALL people deserve the same rights. Make sure you share this video with everybody you know.

Who are the real monsters?

This NOH8 PSA video answers that question perfectly. Also, remember, Werebears need love, too.

Words do matter

A lot of things happened to me in 2011, both good and bad. By far one of the biggest highlights was being the GayRom retreat. I have been to several writer/reader conferences and none of them even came close to the acceptance and loving environment I experienced at GayRom. I felt as if I was amongst friends…no better yet, family and that I could be myself and not be judged.

So, as I see the atmosphere on the internet turn toxic as of late, it leaves me wondering, where did all that love go? I’m not talking about one particular incident either, but the whole reader/writer/blogger relationship in general.

Now, don’t think I’m pointing the finger at one particular group in particular either. I have seen bad behavior on all sides. A small number of readers are becoming so vicious in their reviews at Amazon, GR and other sites, that I now vowed to avoid those places. Which makes me sad, since some of my best online friends were the ones I made at GR. But now I am seeing reviews riddled with profanity and accusing authors of “trying to milk the reader” it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Many writers do this for a living. This is our paycheck, our livelihood, so yes we do have to let out releases on a regular schedule or else we wouldn’t be able to support our families. Despite, what many think, authors don’t make very much money, either. Please, don’t get me wrong and think that I’m ranting against those who give me low ratings, because I’m not. When somebody buys, reads, then takes the time to write out a review on my book, it shows that they cared enough about my work to take time out their busy schedule to give it some attention. So, believe it or not, I treasure the low star ratings just as much as I do the high ones. Plus, most of the vicious language I’ve seen in reviews have been books that haven’t been written by me. In fact, I don’t even know some of the authors personally.  So, this plea isn’t coming because I’ve had my feelings hurt over a particular review or anything.  All I’m asking is that you write a review that is more about the book and less about profanity and a personal attack against the author. After all, isn’t the true reason we’re there is for the books?

Likewise, I have seen authors behave in ways that would make a kindergartener embarrassed. Authors, if you get a bad review, my goodness it’s not the end of the world. It’s just one person’s opinion and you need to move on and do what you do best—write. The last thing you should do is attack the reviewer and make things personal. Not only are you giving all authors a bad name, but you are hindering your sales and your publisher’s reputation as well. And don’t, don’t, don’t set up sock-puppets or have your friends go on to defend you, either. I have never seen that end well. It only further serves to make the author look worse. Also, please stop going onto reader forums and pimping your books. The reader forums are for…well, readers and that’s not our playground. They should be able to have a place where they can go and feel free to talk about our books, without having to deal with mountains of SPAM. It was the relentless author promos that ruined the Yahoo groups and now that most of those are dead, authors are now moving on to GR and Amazon forums. Stop! It turns readers off and makes them less likely to buy your books. There are many other wonderful ways to promote your books. I have taken a few workshops on the topic and recommend you do the same. Trust me, it’s well worth your time. One other thing that I have seen happen a lot lately is authors swapping good reviews for each other.  It doesn’t help either of  you when you do that. The readers see right through it and it leaves a bitter taste in their mouth.

Which brings me to the last group, bloggers. Now, anybody who knows me, knows that I am a blog whore. I can’t get enough of the things. Better yet, I am close friends with a couple of bloggers. However, there are a few out there that seem to take great relish in ripping apart books, even going so far as to take out various snippets from the book in question, just so they can make fun of it.  Like I said, I treasure all reviews and I understand how important they are to the industry, I feel some bloggers take it too far. Okay, you didn’t like the book, that doesn’t mean that you and over one hundred commenters have to continue to beat the thing to death. A million, gazillion, bababillion (yeah, I just made up a new word. If Palin can do it, so can I) people loved The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. As for me, I just couldn’t get into it. Does that make it a bad book? No, it just means that it didn’t fit my taste. Now, I know there are some books out there that have very offensive material in it. Trust me I do. I just sent in a formal complaint out to Amazon over a calendar that made fun of gay stereotypes. But, at the same times there are hardworking authors out there who I know have been hurt by these kinds of reviews. Because, yes this is their job, yes they are putting a product out there, and yes the consumer has every right to not like it, but in the end people often forget that the author is a real person, with real feelings and it must hurt like heck to see their book shredded like that.

So all I’m asking that in 2012 is can we all learn how important all words are and how they can hurt? Just like I ask that we remember that every reviewer, reader, author or blogger that you are lashing out isn’t just a faceless entity on a screen, but a real person who is behind the keyboard and that they have real feelings.

Now in closing, I am going to answer a few questions that readers have sent me about why I put certain things in my books.

Q-What is up with all the Ke$ha, Gaga and other music references in your books?

A-Despite being 100% tone deaf, music is a huge part in my life, it always has been that way. Even as a little girl, I used to sit on the couch and listen as my parents practiced for the church band they played in. As I grew older, I continued to love music, listening to it with my father and playfully arguing over which artists was the best. Even now, I listen to music the entire time I write. I have so many songs in my iTunes library that I could probably fulfill a playlist at a club. So, since the music is part of my life and a little bit of me goes into all my books, that is why so many characters like music.

Q-Why do your books have so much gay politics in them?

A-That is the easiest question to answer, it’s because now I have know first-hand how messed up things are as far as gay rights go. In my latest book, I even put in there how one character couldn’t donate his blood because he’s gay. I didn’t make that up to add to drama, it’s a real fact of life. While I do write fiction books, my characters in them are gay and LGBTQ individuals face discrimination EVERY day. There is not a day that goes by where some comment, news article or piece of legislation doesn’t remind me that my son is a second class citizen. So, of course that’s going to make its way into my books, because I would be doing the LGBTQ community a disservice if I just glossed over those issues. In order for these things to change they need to highlighted, not brushed under the rug.  

Q-Why isn’t there more sex in your books?

A-It’s not because I have anything against steamy books. In fact, some of my favorite authors write books that are scorching hot. It’s just my style of writing leads to sentimental. I love to write about the interaction between characters and how they get to know each other. I’m more of a dialog kind of gal. I had a good friend who told me I write sappy books, but that there’s nothing wrong with that. I tend to agree, I think the world needs some sappy stories out there.

So, there you have it. Some of the answers. If you have more questions, don’t hesitate to put them in the comments section or shoot me an email at stephani@stephanihecht.com