Yoga-Part Two

Yoga-Part Two

Sorry, my posts have been so sporadic lately. Not only have I been sick, but we lost Ugly Cat. She went into renal failure and we had no choice but to put her down. But, as Joie so briskly said the other day, “We need to stop mourning and move on.” As such I decided to post something funny today.

So, I’m still taking yoga and decided in a moment of extreme insanity that I was ready to take a hot yoga class. As I entered the ‘tea room’ I should have realized I was in trouble. While I’ve lost some weight, I still have some very generous curves. On the other hand, everybody else getting ready for the class was thinner than Twiggy on a diet.

I’d worn all black in an attempt to look thinner, but as soon as I spotted their narrowed eyes expressions, I realized I’d failed. I could almost feel them scrutinizing every bulge, ripple and roll on my body. But, fool that I was, I still smile and got out my matt.

As I walked out, they already had the heaters on and I could feel myself sweating. This is even before I began my pre-class meditations. As the supermodels all laid out their mats, instead of getting into my Zen all I could think about is, “I’m going to die. There is no way I can survive this kind of class. They’ll have to peal my limp, stinky body off the floor at the end of class.”

So, the class begins. At first I’m doing fine and keeping up. Sure, I may already have sweat trickling down my back, but I am woman and I can do this!  Or…maybe not. After five minutes they really get started and so begins my decent into hell. I am serious, too, I swear there was more than once where the Prince of Darkness actually laughed at me. That sneaky bastard.

Halfway during the class, I want to run away and hide out in the bathroom than assume the fetal positions. And before you all judge me that would still count, since that is a position in yoga.

To make matters worse, they keep telling me to do multiple things…engage my core…breath deep…find myself…keep my eyes closed. I really tried to do them all. Just so my instructors know, whenever they tell me to relax my jaw, I assume what I call the Kristen Stewart face. Seriously, have any of you ever seen her with a closed mouth? I suspect she may have a sinus issue and is a mouth breathing.

Anyways…moving on. Just as I was about to crumble into a pile and cry harder than Ben Stiller in There’s Something About Mary, I notice something—I’m not the only one who is having trouble. In fact, ALL of the class is struggling. That’s when I remembered one of the most important lessons of yoga, there is no judgment, there is only you.

Then I pushed on. Sure, I may have had to modify some of the poses, but I go through. In fact, I told the instructor, who is actually one of the most amazing women I have ever met, that I will see her next class.

It seems that every time that I go to yoga, I learn something new. Today was, it’s okay to look a fool, because deep inside we all feel that we look the same way. All that matters is that we push on. But, don’t think I’m going to convert to vegan anytime soon. I need meat in my life.

So, I dug up this Erin Foley clip. Not only does it talk about her own experiences at the gym, but she also makes a swipe at vegan cookbooks. I love that lady.