Yoga-Part Two

Yoga-Part Two

Sorry, my posts have been so sporadic lately. Not only have I been sick, but we lost Ugly Cat. She went into renal failure and we had no choice but to put her down. But, as Joie so briskly said the other day, “We need to stop mourning and move on.” As such I decided to post something funny today.

So, I’m still taking yoga and decided in a moment of extreme insanity that I was ready to take a hot yoga class. As I entered the ‘tea room’ I should have realized I was in trouble. While I’ve lost some weight, I still have some very generous curves. On the other hand, everybody else getting ready for the class was thinner than Twiggy on a diet.

I’d worn all black in an attempt to look thinner, but as soon as I spotted their narrowed eyes expressions, I realized I’d failed. I could almost feel them scrutinizing every bulge, ripple and roll on my body. But, fool that I was, I still smile and got out my matt.

As I walked out, they already had the heaters on and I could feel myself sweating. This is even before I began my pre-class meditations. As the supermodels all laid out their mats, instead of getting into my Zen all I could think about is, “I’m going to die. There is no way I can survive this kind of class. They’ll have to peal my limp, stinky body off the floor at the end of class.”

So, the class begins. At first I’m doing fine and keeping up. Sure, I may already have sweat trickling down my back, but I am woman and I can do this!  Or…maybe not. After five minutes they really get started and so begins my decent into hell. I am serious, too, I swear there was more than once where the Prince of Darkness actually laughed at me. That sneaky bastard.

Halfway during the class, I want to run away and hide out in the bathroom than assume the fetal positions. And before you all judge me that would still count, since that is a position in yoga.

To make matters worse, they keep telling me to do multiple things…engage my core…breath deep…find myself…keep my eyes closed. I really tried to do them all. Just so my instructors know, whenever they tell me to relax my jaw, I assume what I call the Kristen Stewart face. Seriously, have any of you ever seen her with a closed mouth? I suspect she may have a sinus issue and is a mouth breathing.

Anyways…moving on. Just as I was about to crumble into a pile and cry harder than Ben Stiller in There’s Something About Mary, I notice something—I’m not the only one who is having trouble. In fact, ALL of the class is struggling. That’s when I remembered one of the most important lessons of yoga, there is no judgment, there is only you.

Then I pushed on. Sure, I may have had to modify some of the poses, but I go through. In fact, I told the instructor, who is actually one of the most amazing women I have ever met, that I will see her next class.

It seems that every time that I go to yoga, I learn something new. Today was, it’s okay to look a fool, because deep inside we all feel that we look the same way. All that matters is that we push on. But, don’t think I’m going to convert to vegan anytime soon. I need meat in my life.

So, I dug up this Erin Foley clip. Not only does it talk about her own experiences at the gym, but she also makes a swipe at vegan cookbooks. I love that lady.

How yoga is helping me accept what I can't change and to be okay with it

I know! Who would have thunk it? Not only did I try yoga, but after a week I'm addicted to it. I never imagined that I would be able to even get into some of those poses that make a human look like Gumby gone pretzel. Imagine my shock when I found myself not only doing the poses, but holding them for long periods. My fibro has never felt better, either.

One thing I really, really didn't expect was how good yoga was for the mind. I am going through some issues now, and I feel that yoga will help me navigate them--no, better yet, it will teach me to engage the problems and beat them. It even gave me the courage to admit to a very dear friend a serious issue I'm going through. It took a lot of courage to reach out for help, but I finally dug down deep and did it.

In one of my classes the instructor asked us what we needed to feel really complete, happy and safe. She then followed this up, by gently reminding us to not make our needs what some have termed first-world problems. For if we have food, shelter, clean water and clothing, we are already doing so much better than a large portion of the word. So, she asked us to dig in deeper than the material things and to ask, "What do I need emotionally to make me the best person I can be?"

I decided to take this project on in several steps. Since I feel anger is often our biggest roadblocks to true bliss, I think we need to acknowledge what makes us angry. I'll start by listing some of mine:

I hate that my daughter had to change schools, because the bullies chased her away from her old one.

I hate that the world treats my son like a second class citizen.

I hate that people use religion (whatever denomination it may be) to promote hate and to try to control others.

I hate that I lost an aunt due to her bigotry. What's more, I hate that I can't hate her for it, even though she hurt my son so badly.

I hated the times when I was a paramedic and I would come across neglected or abused children.

I hate that when my best friend suffered a very personal, devastating loss, people weren't sympathetic. Just as I hate that this incident still makes her cry--to be honest I weep over it, too.

I hate that I have to live every day of my life in pain because of fibro.

I hate that certain people continue to lie and bully others and gets away with it. When exactly does karma kick in?

I hate that two other dear friends of mine are going through really tough times. I also hate that they both live too far away for me to give them a hug.

I hate that my grandfather still has trouble discussing the day his ship sank during WWII. He lost so many friends that day.

I hate that my Grandmother Bucholz died, just as we were finally getting close. She liked to write and I hope that she would have been proud of me.

This is just a short list, but by writing them out and sharing them, it gives me power over them. If you want to share you own list, feel free to do so in the comments. If it's too personal for you, that's okay too. Just write them down on a piece of paper in your own home.

I think maybe I will share more of these posts with you as I go along this journey to healing. Until then-Namaste

Since, I always like to leave things on a light note, here is a funny video I found. It has nothing to do with this topic, but we can always use a good laugh.